We will probably add to this


  • Proper cyclists (PCs) wear cleats, we wear trainers/Keen sandals.
  • Proper cyclists (PCs) cycle up Cols. Err, so do we 🥳.
  • Proper cyclists (PCs) look like they are dressed for the Tour de France. Their outfits look new and clean.
  • PCs outfits are coordinated with branded tops and shorts
  • We wear padded shorts and a variety of ever so slightly , but increasingly grubby leisure wear.
  • PCs look earnest. We are on holiday.
  • PCs always know which junction to take without stopping or looking at a map. We pause at road junctions, take off our sun specs and peer at a smudgy iPhone at a map and fiddle with the zoom and stare carefully at the angles of the road junctions.
  • PCs bikes are clean and shiny. Our bikes are dusty and have a collection of oil stains from fiddling with derailleur gears and the occasional chain derailment accident.
  • We have a weight penalty:
  • 10kg of panniers with luggage. Most of which we haven’t needed eg waterproof top and trousers, fleeces.
  • Toolkit for most on the road eventualities.
  • Also lights and pump-with-gauge, pannier rack. Mudguards.
  • Handlebar bag.
  • Cycle lock 1-2kg
  • Water bottles 2kg
  • Picnic some days.
  • With our washing drying strapped to our panniers and flailing in the breeze, picnic, extra water bottles, we can look like a traveller encampment on the move.
  • PCs pass us going uphill with a faint whoosh.
  • PCs accelerate as they past us (we’re sure of this) to make that whoosh a little more noticeable.
  • Two PCs cycling uphill together chat to each other. We’re grimly silent and panting.
  • PCs stand on their pedals going uphill. The only time we stand going uphill is when we are “walking with our bikes”.
  • PCs are fast. We are slow.
  • We think we eat more patisseries then PCs.
  • PC’s pedal all the time , even downhill, while we take every opportunity for a rest while gravity does the work .
  • PCs pedal downhill. We freewheel. Actually with our extra low gearing we couldn’t pedal fast enough!
  • Anna thinks PCs smell of laundry when they whoosh past. So what does that make us smell of 🤔.
  • PCs clothing is colour coordinated, usually with the logo of some epic event (“100 cols”) or brand name.